Hey Kids Did You Miss Me?
by ilovejackharkness
Summary: Jack's return from the Valiant back to his team. He's not dealing so well with what happened on board the Valiant, and after the events of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang he breaks down when he's alone. But when Ianto comes to check on him what will happen? Will Jack
1. Chapter 1

Jack opened the hotel room door; taking off his coat he laid it across a chair then sank down on the large plush bed with a sigh of exhaustion. He slid his braces and then his button up shirt, then toed off his shoes. He had paid for the whole team to have a day of treatments and relaxation but he wasn't up for it. Though he was sure they needed it, and having to avoid themselves it was a perfect excuse. He had politely excused himself when Gwen asked everyone to go to her and Tosh's room to watch movies and raid the snack bar until the spa opened.

He needed a moment to break down, to sort everything so he could repress it and carry on. His team needed him to be their strong, fearless leader who they could depend on. He had let them all down, screwed things up royally by abandoning them. He knew time would fix things and he'd make amends. Right now though he was broken, and couldn't face them. He suspected Ianto knew something was wrong; he never really could hide from him.

Which brought him to another painful issue. He had left without so much as a word and Ianto was upset, hurt and angry. As well as he should be. But after that year with the Master all he wanted was for Ianto to wrap him in his arms and chase the horrors and torture he went through over and over again every time he closed his eyes. But he had been lucky Ianto had even said yes to that date he offered, so he couldn't possibly ask or deserve more. No, he was alone.

He let the tears fall as he buried his face in his hands. As if that year hadn't been bad enough, Hart had shown up nearly ripping his team from him again. He was still playing a game of some sort, mentioning Gray like that, and he was going to be forced to wait until Hart showed up again and let him in on whatever was going on. It wouldn't be good, he knew that. Damn, if he didn't hate being in control.

And he hadn't for a whole year. Though he had done what he could, taking pain and punishment in Martha's family place refusing to let them be hurt by that sadistic bastard. He had stayed strong for them, for the Doctor, and his team until they had been killed before him one by one.

Ianto had been the last and the worst, because that had been the final straw. He had denied his feelings and taken the Welshman for granted. And he regretted it. He knew it had been more than shagging; he had fallen for the loyal, dependable, and caring man who always seemed to know what he needed before he did. But he had kept him at a distance, even telling Ianto there would be a time when he might have to go away but promising to come back and he had.

Before he left he'd shown Ianto he trusted and confided in him by letting him in on the secret of Flat Holm. But that was professional. He hadn't shown Ianto how much he truly cared; fearing one of them would get hurt. And he knew admitting his feelings would only cause him pain when he eventually lost Ianto. That was a part of the reason he had left, hoping the Doctor would fix him, and let him lead a normal life where he had could have a relationship that lasted both of their lifetimes and wouldn't leave him alone. But the Doctor was unable to do anything. To make things worse, the Doctor had called him wrong; it had felt even worse than being abandoned by him. But he had stayed with him because he still cared despite it all. He didn't let the Doctor see him break down though not after that, which is why everything he had bottled up was now surfacing.

He had lost Ianto in that paradox, and while it hurt what hurt even more was that Ianto didn't know how much he had cared. Ianto had gotten him to go from just being alive to actually living, given him stability and comfort. And he had never said a word, though he hoped through his actions Ianto knew at least a little what he meant to him. That's why he had asked him on the date, he wanted to do things right. Make things right between them. Ianto was going to know how much he meant to him. He was going to be everything Ianto needed him to be, if given the chance. Because he needed Ianto, he knew that now. Before Ianto had died, he had held on to their memories to get him through the daily torture. He'd give anything to be back with Ianto again, which is why he turned the Doctor's offer down. He was home now, and he had come back to the man who had he had thought about every day on the Valiant.

There was a knock on the door.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Here's the next bit, enjoy!

Jack wiped roughly at his eyes. "Who is it?"

"It's me, Jack," Ianto replied, as if summoned by his thoughts.

Jack stood slowly, pushing a button on his wrist strap unlocking the door. "C'mon in, it's unlocked." He turned to face the window, not wanting Ianto to see him like this.

Ianto stepped in, shutting the door behind him.

"Is there something you need, Yan?" Jack realized his mistake quickly, using his nickname for Ianto. "Sorry, I've probably lost the right to call you that…"

"Probably." Ianto paused. "I came to check on you."

"I'm fine," Jack lied, sticking his hands in his pockets.

"Right and you won't face me because you're too busy looking at that empty rooftop?"

"I'm good with roofs you said."

"I did, but since when would you rather stare at a roof than me?"

"Fair point. Nothing gets by you does it?" Jack said softly with a forced laugh.

"Nope. Look…I may be hurt and angry with you. And I honestly I can't tell you where we stand or if there is even an 'us'. But I'm your friend, Jack. And maybe the others can't see that fake smile or feigned confidence but I can. You're different and I'm guessing you're hurting. Am I right?"

Jack nodded, fresh tears spilling out making him unable to speak. Ianto had hit the nail on the head so to speak.

"Answer me something?"

"Anything," Jack replied.

"While you were away with the Doctor, it wasn't all good times, and you were hurt yes?"

"In more ways than you can ever imagine," Jack whispered, his voice cracking with the pain.

"Then as your friend, I'm here for you. If you need someone to sit with, someone to talk to, someone to hold you then I'm here; because as your friend it's killing me to see you like this. The rest we can figure out later, but for now I think you don't want be alone. Unless you want me to go then I will…whatever you want," Ianto said quietly.

"Stay, please," Jack pleaded, turning to face him. He noticed Ianto had changed; he was wearing a pair of trainers and a faded blue tee that fit him just right.

Ianto's heart broke at the sight of his Captain before him, he was a wreck. "Oh, Jack, what's happened to you?"

"So much, I don't want to be alone anymore," Jack said his voice breaking. He took a step towards Ianto. "I know I don't deserve this and shouldn't ask, but just for a moment can I hold you?"

Ianto nodded, wanting to fix this broken man in front of him. If Jack holding him would help then so be it. Truth be told, he had missed Jack so much that he wanted the same thing, but he also wanted things to be different between them. He wanted more from Jack and he knew Jack was capable of it if they did things right, gave a go at a proper relationship. He loved Jack there was no doubt of that which was why he was here now offering comfort. Jack had made no promises, but he had let him know of his secrets, and he had come back like he promised. Why after seeing the wonders of the universe he would come back, he was clueless. But what mattered was Jack was here, and that meant something. Jack had showed him in more than a few ways that he cared for him tonight especially offering that date.

"I missed you, Jack."

"I missed you too." Jack stepped forward, quickly wrapping his arms around Ianto and burying his face in his neck, inhaling his comforting scent. He suddenly felt at peace, safe even if it was just for a moment. Ianto melted into the embrace, holding Jack close to him.

"I'm here, Jack. It's okay now."

Jack began crying harder, clinging to him tightly. "I'm so sorry," he whispered over and over to Ianto who rubbed soothing circles in his back.

"What happened, Jack?" Ianto asked, fighting his own tears.

"I don't want to burden you with this; I don't want you to know how awful it was. I won't put you through that."

"Bugger that, I want to know. I want to help, please let me. You know I can handle burdens."

"I know that, but I don't want to risk that second chance you gave me. I can't do this right now…"

"Do you think I'd walk away just because of what you're about to tell me?" Jack said nothing just held him as if he was afraid to let go. "You've told me a great deal about yourself, and I didn't go running, remember? Unless it's something like: 'Ianto I slept with so and so, please don't be-"

"No! There was no one I swear," Jack took a deep breath, "I was held prisoner for a year…"

Ianto pulled back to look at Jack. "So for us it was three months but for you a whole year?" Jack nodded and things seemed to make a little more sense for Ianto though he figured as much it was time travelling after all.

Ianto steered him to the bed, both of them sitting down but not letting go of each other. "Who or what held you prisoner?"

"Saxon, he wasn't human. Doesn't matter what he was but he was a madman."

"Dammit, I told Gwen all that was no coincidence! Saxon disappears, the President was assassinated, and we get sent off on a goose chase to the Himalayas. I figured you and the Doctor were involved somehow."

Jack looked at him with admiration; he knew Ianto would be able to put things together as clever as he was. "We tried stopping him, things got out of control, we were taken prisoner and that madman destroyed the earth and murdered millions."

"Paradox, I'm guessing, since I don't remember that."

"Exactly, a temporal paradox. The Doctor, Martha and I managed to reverse time, stop Saxon and get rid of the Toclafane but it took a year."

"Martha?"

Jack smiled fondly. "Martha Jones, a companion of the Doctors'. She saved the world by managing to escape with my wrist strap which was a teleport for a bit."

"And this madman held you prisoner…" Ianto said quietly, already fearing what that meant, there was a reason Jack was this hurt and he dreaded to think why.

"He found out I couldn't die," Jack whispered. "Found it quite entertaining to see how many ways I could die and still come back…"

Ianto pulled Jack to him, wrapping him in a tight embrace. He felt sick, and it broke his heart to know that his lover, Captain, friend, hell all of those, had been tortured that way. He knew the cost and pain death brought Jack, and how he would repeatedly sacrifice himself to save others. To take that immortality and cruelly use it against Jack was heart wrenching. Jack had already suffered enough and would continue to because of it, but it should have never been used against him in that way. He kissed the top of Jack's head. "I'm so sorry; I can't believe someone would do that to you. That evil bastard, that is beyond cruel. I'm sorry, Jack. I really am," Ianto cried, hugging Jack tightly.

Jack reached up to brush away Ianto's tears. "It's over now, I'll get through this, don't worry, Yan."

Ianto took his hand. "No, we'll get through this. No way am I going to let you deal with this alone."

"Thank you," Jack said, and quickly pressed a kiss to Ianto's neck. "That wasn't the worse of it though…"

"Oh god," Ianto whispered not even wanting to think of what could be worse.

Jack gazed at him sadly. "He knew he couldn't get me physically, I wouldn't break. So he caught everyone I cared about, the team and he murdered all of you in front of me."

"I…we died?" Ianto felt like he had been hit by a ton of bricks. Now he understood why Jack was acting differently, why he was so broken. And just like that, Ianto knew he would now do whatever he could for Jack, to reassure him that they were all safe.

Jack looked down. "Because of me, it was all my fault."

Ianto titled Jack's chin up. "No, it wasn't. Don't you dare take blame for the actions of that madman." Ianto paused. "Is that why you didn't want to talk to me?"

"I couldn't save you. I couldn't save any of you…I failed." Jack was shaking now, tears falling again.

Ianto soothed him quietly. "No, that's not true either. If you failed, I wouldn't be here with you. I'm safe, we all are. It's all over now. You're home."

Jack twined their hands together, resting his head against Ianto's chest reassuring himself with the steady beat of his heart. "You're safe… please don't leave me, Ianto."

Ianto leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Jack's lips, driving the point home. "I won't."

"Forgive me?" Jack asked, for getting him hurt in another time, another place. But Ianto was safe, time had reversed itself and Ianto would thankfully never know that pain and suffering.

"I did the moment I stepped into the room."

"I didn't mean-"

Ianto gazed at him. "I know, but there was nothing you could do, and for me it never happened so there's nothing to forgive regarding that."

"It happened for me though, and I'll never forget it. Or the realization that I came to when I lost you…"

"Which was?" Ianto dared to say.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry it took so long to post this but there is more at my LJ. Enjoy and review please!

"Which was?" Ianto dared to say.

"That I care about you more than words can say. That I should've never taken you for granted. That I need you, and I want to make things right between us."

"Good, because I want us to be something more and I know we can be. I don't need hearts, flowers or declarations. All I need to know is that I mean as much to you as you do to me. Everything I want is right here, and all I want is you. But I need to know you feel the same, so when Owen calls me just a shag or Gwen fawns over you, I won't doubt or worry because I'll know that you care. That you want to be with me, that I'm not just second choice or a warm body. It may be a lot to ask of you right now but that is what I need." Ianto wanted to add because I love you, and I don't want to be alone either but I can't stand to be hurt again. But he kept that to himself.

Jack cupped Ianto's face in his hands. "I can give you that. I don't deserve you or this second chance but I will never let you regret giving it to me. You're all that I want, and you weren't just a shag or a second choice. I fell for you, it was impossible not to. But I denied it, kept you at a distance so we wouldn't get hurt. No that's a lie, selfishly so I wouldn't get hurt when I lost you. But when I did, it hurt more because I left things unsaid, made you doubt like you said that you were anything more than a warm body. But you are so much more. I'm actually living when I'm with you, not going through the motions but truly enjoying life. I want that again, I want to forget this. And move on with you. Show me Ianto how to live, to love; it seems so easy when we're together. Please," Jack said quietly, leaning forward he pressed a kiss to Ianto's lips. Rather than push him away or resist, Ianto pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

When they broke for air, Ianto gazed into Jack's eyes. "I can do that for you."

Jack graced Ianto with a small, rare smile which he returned. "Thank you for everything, Yan."

"Thank you for coming back and for talking to me. Everything is going to be okay now, just don't think I'm going to jump in bed with you right away."

Jack ran his fingers through Ianto's hair. "I wouldn't want you to; we're going to do this right. First wining and dining and then we'll go from there."

"Agreed. Now when's the last time you had a full night's sleep? You look knackered. And famished, I'm going to have to stuff you with jam doughnuts and meat pizza."

Jack laughed lightly which felt really good. "That actually sounds really good. I've slept a few hours at a time here and there, but I think the last time I rested and truly slept was with you."

Ianto's eyes widened in surprise. "That long? I'm going to have to insist you lie down then. And tomorrow we'll go down for massages."

"And dinner?"

"That'd be nice." Ianto smiled again and so did Jack.

"I can't sleep though, every time I close my eyes I see it all over again," Jack confessed.

"That's because you were alone, but I'm here now."

"You're going to stay tonight?" Jack asked, relief filling his voice.

"Sometimes sleeping together actually means just sleeping, Jack."

Jack nodded. "I know, I really don't deserve you."

Ianto toed off his shoes then moved back to lie on the left side of the bed. "Yet, here I am."

Jack laid down across his side of the bed, stretching out fully before turning to Ianto. Ianto nodded as Jack gazed at him, asking for permission to be closer. Jack moved over resting his head on Ianto's chest and throwing his arm around Ianto's waist.

Ianto ran his fingers through Jack's hair soothingly, watching as the older man slowly relaxed under his ministrations. Suddenly he realized that the only touch Jack had felt through the past year had involved pain. He could change that, give Jack comfort and peace. He ran his fingers softly over Jack's back, down his arm and up his chest then across his face, retracing the familiar features. Jack relaxed even more, slowly closing his eyes.

Ianto pressed a kiss to Jack's head. "You're safe now, Jack. I've got you, rest, Cariad."

"I wouldn't know what to do without you, Ianto," Jack whispered before sleep overtook him. He was home, Ianto was safe and wanted to be with him, it really was going to be okay. And there was no denying that he loved Ianto Jones.


End file.
